Amy Chua's article, (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html), has sparked a debate in the Wall Street Journal, as well as in parenting and psychology literature. There is an articulate rebuttal by a Jewish mother http://abcnews.go.com/Health/jewish-author-responds-wsj-chinese-mothering-controversy/story?id=12623592. Parents have a hard job and as this psychologist suggests, : http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201101/chinese-parent-western-parent-superior-parent-have-we-figured-i, a balance between disciplinarians and laissez-faire is necessary for optimal results
As someone who was raised with "Asian values" along what I will call a cultural faultline (Caucasian-caribbean-indian) and lived to tell the tale, the story she tells is pretty accurate (minus the 3 hours of piano a night), but one-sided. The problem with her model is that it is traumatic for children to live with the culture-bashing, allegations of assimilation and berating between parents and parents and children. Is it worth it to yell til you're hoarse just to demonstrate to the world that you can mimic antiquated hallmarks of elitism? I don't think so. And when does telling your daughter "stop eating so much fatty" stop exactly? From my experience it doesn't because those horrible things live on long after they're said and because parents have diffculty distinguishing their grown 22 year old daughter from the 7 year old in their mind, they feel like they can 1. always say those things and 2. get away without consequences from saying those things because of parental immunity. Kids in this environment grow up accepting and not questioning until they are pushed to their limit; living in perpetual fear, irrationally seeking control, and self-flagellating with blame and guilt. This manifests itself in eating disorders, higher suicide rates between the ages of 15-24 (as the rebuttal cites), obsessions with materialism, and an inability to adapt and deal with the chaos intrinsic to human life. By understanding the cultural differences and deconstructing them, I have overcome this behaviour and have banished the shame and silence it requires to be effective. There are constructive ways to raise children to be determined, thoughtful, self-sufficient confident members of society, and this isn't it. What's more is all that yelling is in vain: the parenting research illustrates that parenting has very little to do with how your child turns out; personality and friends determine that, and forbidding friends, striking down sense of self-worth have the reverse effect (ie. kids go running to the wrong types of people who give them what they can't get at home). Secondly, in order to curb adolescent rebellion and inspire self-sufficiency, we need to give children a meaningful stake in contributing to society.
Also striking to me is her willing stereotypical bifurcation of cultures, although she tries to smooth it out by combining Asian values with Indian, Caribbean and irish values. But these mothers exist in all races, in all cultures in all eras and I think she sets up a straw man argument that is easily dismantled with ethnography and longitudinal surveys.
Finally, I think parents should be aware of the assault scheme in Canadian criminal law if they are going to use some of the tactics advocated by Ms. Chua. Section 265 of the Criminal Code states:
265. (1) A person commits an assault when
(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;
(b) he attempts or threatens, by an act or a gesture, to apply force to another person, if he has, or causes that other person to believe on reasonable grounds that he has, present ability to effect his purpose; or
(c) while openly wearing or carrying a weapon or an imitation thereof, he accosts or impedes another person or begs.
Application
(2) This section applies to all forms of assault, including sexual assault, sexual assault with a weapon, threats to a third party or causing bodily harm and aggravated sexual assault.
Consent
(3) For the purposes of this section, no consent is obtained where the complainant submits or does not resist by reason of
(a) the application of force to the complainant or to a person other than the complainant;
(b) threats or fear of the application of force to the complainant or to a person other than the complainant;
(c) fraud; or
(d) the exercise of authority.
Accused's belief as to consent
(4) Where an accused alleges that he believed that the complainant consented to the conduct that is the subject-matter of the charge, a judge, if satisfied that there is sufficient evidence and that, if believed by the jury, the evidence would constitute a defence, shall instruct the jury, when reviewing all the evidence relating to the determination of the honesty of the accused's belief, to consider the presence or absence of reasonable grounds for that belief.
Appealing to parental authority is not a defence, as evidenced by subsection 3(d). Furthermore, parents should also keep the principles outlined by the Supreme Court in Canadian Foundation for Children, youth and The Law v. Canada in mind when punishing children. Punishment or parental strongarming must be corrective but reasonable and not be "outbursts of violence motivated by anger or animated by frustration" and must be the "education or discipline of the child". The child must be able to benefit from the application of force; if incapable of doing so, the application of force is void. Any force, verbal or physical, must be reasonable. Parents can also be sued for battery and negligence for tortious conduct in childrearing. Parents should and must be accountable for the choices they make in raising their children and I disagree with the parental immunity Chau implies and supports. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and Article 37 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child "requires state parties to ensure that '[n]o chld shall be subjected to torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment." These are important limits and guidelines for parents to remember as they impose their own limits and guidelines on their children.
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